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How many times have we said we are sorry to people for our behavior while using and gone on to to the exact same thing over and over again. This is especially true when we are talking about the people that are closest to us. The ninth step was not designed to go to people and say we are sorry again. These people have heard the “I’m sorrys” for years and we never changed anything.

That is what this step about, change. The step is also the ninth step because without the eight previous steps we can not change. When we get to step nine we should be ready to humble ourselves to people and discuss the past. We should be ready to make the changes necessary to repair relationships and take responsibility for our actions. Many times we hear that the people we have hurt ask them to not drink anymore and that is enough for them. We know for ourselves that just not using anymore will not do. We can be helpful and caring to those people now.

The word amend means to change something by addition or subtraction. Think about the definition of that word and it tells us that just not drinking is not all there is to it.

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    Definition of AMEND
    transitive verb
    : to put right; especially : to make emendations in (as a text)
    a : to change or modify for the better : improve b : to alter especially in phraseology; especially : to alter formally by modification, deletion, or addition I know exactly what the word means and most anyone can look it up to understand the word. Living the life of a drug or alcohol addict you will come to know a whole new meaning to this. In my experience I was living by definition ” insanity ” doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and though each time I sobered up ” the next day” I usually didn’t remember much but of what I could I tried to ignore and pretend it didn’t happen. Now all the people I love or have loved or even just friends… for that matter co workers and employers see they didn’t black out with me and they don’t have it in them to just forget. So I had to face up to what I have dun and it embarrassed me and humiliated me even more…. so what was my answer… to drink and forget. Im not on step 9 yet I must let time take time and except that the steps are in order for a reason.
    The new definition of AMEND for me is …. have you ever pet an abused puppy when you go to touch it , it cows away but you can see in its eyes it wants to trust and be loved but its feer just wont let it feel safe because of what it thinks can happen, because it knows what you are capable of. Now imagine its not a puppy at all but instead its your family your wife or your child and all that matters in your life. For me amends is to have them trust me completely and for them to be able to for give me really in there heart of hearts as if to swat a mosquito off that puppy’s head and it didn’t flinch at all because it knows I love it and mean no harm at all. I am making progress and I’m dealing with the child in me that wants things now. Like the law of averages or by any means you use to predict an outcome of anything I must do the next good fight thing and that will become what they come to expect of me. Life is getting better all the time.. Thanks Clearbrook my love and best wishes to you . Ed.A

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