To My Daughter: What I Wish I Said Before You Died

The following was submitted by a father, who lost his daughter to heroin addiction.

“Dear Daughter,

You are gone forever and I’ve failed. Never again will I hold my baby girl in my arms and have the chance to tell you what you mean to me. All those moments I should’ve told you I was proud, but I didn’t. Heroin has taken you from us and I will be forever lost.

Memories

I remember my little princess; how sweet and innocent you were. I watched you at your kindergarten graduation, so full of hope and dreams for your future.

I remember when you had your first date and I watched you dance around at the thought of someone liking you. I should have told you then how special you were, but I didn’t.

If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve stopped during each moment and told you that you were a treasure; a gift that should’ve never been taken advantage of.

Maybe Your Choices Would’ve Been Different

If I had given you the love and attention you needed, maybe you wouldn’t have gone with him. You were certain he was “the one”, but I didn’t trust him. He never cared about you.

Why would I expect you to choose a man that loved you or respected you; I never did.

He was the one alright! The one that introduced you to your demise. You were hooked on the heroin from day one.

I still remember the call I got when you ended up in the hospital. You had left before I got there, but I knew you overdosed. I should’ve come to get you then and told you how valuable you were, but I didn’t. I allowed you to run back into his arms yet again.

I fell deep into denial, convincing myself that there was nothing I could do to help save you.

I later learned you weren’t just using heroin anymore, but anything you could find. That included prescriptions and meth. You wanted whatever would numb the pain you were feeling. They drowned out the insecurities you faced every day.

Keeping Quiet

All those times I saw you – losing weight with your health deteriorating, I remained quiet. Your mom didn’t stay quiet. She had no trouble telling you that you didn’t need this life, but you didn’t need to hear it from her.

You needed me.

All the times you manipulated people and twisted facts to suit yourself or to get more heroin, I didn’t feel compassion for you. I got angry.

I was tired of giving you money, bailing you out and giving you rides. For what? I didn’t feel that you were doing anything for us in return.

I later learned that all these actions I took just enabled your behavior. They didn’t help to make it any easier for you to get better.

I gave you the money and the rides to avoid my own guilt of where I failed. I should’ve just stopped and told you I loved you. That would’ve been far more valuable than any amount of money.

I should’ve told you that I believed in you and I should’ve taken the time to listen.

As your heroin addiction got worse, so did your mother. She cried every time you got arrested. She was heartbroken when you left rehab early and relapsed. It tore her up inside. Not even then did I see my part in your disease. I never looked at my own actions or behaviors; I just continued to get mad.

Your mom went to support groups. She seemed to find a lot of comfort talking to others with the same issues. I just grew more angry believing that you were taking her from me now too.

When you would come around, I stopped even hugging or kissing you. You must have felt so lonely and abandoned.

Now it’s too late – you are gone.

What I Needed to Say

There are so many things I needed to do differently. I wish we could go back and try again. If I had the chance, here’s what I would’ve said.

“I Love You”

These three simple words could have made all the difference. I needed to say this to you often; after each phone call, during each goodbye and whenever you needed the reassurance.

“I Understand”

I didn’t approve of all your choices and I wished it had gone differently for you. That’s no excuse for me to avoid understanding you. A little of my time was all you needed to know that I cared about your feelings.

I should’ve talked to you about the pain you were feeling and why you wanted to numb it with heroin. Taking those moments would’ve allowed me to be a source of guidance when you needed it. Instead, you went through your struggles alone.

“How Can I Help?”

All the times I thought I was helping, were no help to you at all. You didn’t need my money or a ride, you needed my time. I could have listened to you or offered to pay for your treatment.

I could’ve helped you get into sober living, but I didn’t.

“I Respect You”

You didn’t need my judgment and criticism, you created plenty of that on your own. You needed my respect. I could have shown you that I valued you and treated you with more dignity.

“I Will Support You”

You should have known that I would’ve supported you making a positive change in your life. Long-term recovery must have been scary at the thought of doing it alone.

“We Can Do This Together”

You should have been taught from an early age that we could do anything as a team. Working together would have kept us strong and allowed the lines of communication to remain open. It would’ve given you the opportunity to walk a healthier path – knowing that I was there to support you.

“You are Worthy and Can Do Anything”

Your deepest struggle was that you were inadequate. I think you used heroin to hide that pain, and I was partially to blame for that. I needed to remind you that there was a purpose to your life. Fear holds us back from being who we are meant to be.

It’s okay to stumble and fall, but I should have picked you up and helped back on the path. All you needed was my reassurance and you could have been invincible.

My Dearest Daughter

I will never have the chance to say these things to you now; it’s too late. You are gone and you died alone. I am sorry. Please know that if I could change it, I would. You deserved more.

Sincerely,

Your Father”

Contact Clearbrook Today For Heroin Addiction Treatment

As the drug crisis in our country continues to skyrocket, we unfortunately hear more stories where young lives are taken before their time. Heroin addiction has truly become a plague on our society, destroying the lives of our families, friends, and neighbors. And, not only are the innocent dying, but our families are left to pick up the pieces.

If you or someone you know and love is currently struggling with heroin addiction, or other substance use disorders, help is available. With 45 years of experience in treating individuals who suffer from chemical dependency, Clearbrook Treatment Centers can offer you or your loved the care you deserve. If you are the family member or friend of someone in need of treatment, help is available for you too. Here, you will be provided with the support you need through our Family Educational Program.

Please contact our Admissions Specialists today and see how we can help.

ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT STRUGGLING WITH DRUGS OR ALCOHOL?

CALL CLEARBROOK TREATMENT CENTERS NOW AT (570) 536-9621.