Enabling is “removing the natural consequences to the addict of his or her behavior.” Enabling an alcoholic or drug addict is detrimental to their potential recovery. The alcoholic/addict feeling the full weight of the consequences of their actions can be the most powerful element in their realization that they must change the way they live.
Do you rationalize the addict’s irrational behavior?
Do you make excuses for the addict?
Do you loan money to the addict over and over again?
Are you surprised when they use the money to get their next fix?
Do you end up finishing projects that the addict never completed?
Do you pay their bills?
Have you bailed them out of jail?
Have you paid their legal fees?
Have you ever called in sick to school or work for them?
Have you cleaned up their messes?
Have you believed their lies?
Do you blame yourself in part for the addict’s behavior?
Have you lied for the addict?
Have you covered up for them to avoid embarrassment?
Do you think that you can fix the addict?
Do you give them one more chance – time after time?
Do you threaten to leave but then never do?
Do you threaten to kick the addict out but don’t follow through?
It is important to remember that You did not cause their addiction nor can You “fix them”. You can, however, change the way you treat and react to their addiction.
Specific Actions You Can Take To Stop Enabling:
Do not lie for the addict.
Do not make excuses for the addict.
Do not loan them money.
Do not be their alarm clock.
Do not bail them out of jail.
Do not pay their bills.
Do not be afraid to file a police report for theft, violence, etc.
Do not be afraid to obtain a restraining order if necessary.
Do not clean up their messes or destruction.
Do not participate in arguments.
Do not make ultimatums if you are not 100% confident that you will stick with it.
This is not easy and many of us find ourselves “relapsing” back to our enabling behaviors. But in the end, it just might be the most loving and important thing we can do.