Here’s the scenario… you just got out of treatment, you’re going to meetings, and following direction from a sponsor. For the most part, everyone you talk to and interact with is in recovery. Then one night you’re at a meeting, you see a cute girl or guy across the room and it’s “love at first sight”. You talk to the other person and they are on the same page as you; you just seem to connect. For most of us, our brain tells us that this is a good idea for so many reasons. He/She is walking the same path as me. With recovery from addiction being our common ground, we can help each other. It will be easier to stay sober together.
Some of what our minds tell us can have some merit. Before we get to that let’s look at some issues. The timing of a relationship in sobriety is an important factor to consider. We hear in treatment centers and “in the rooms’’ that we should wait one year before we get involved with someone else. People even goes as far as telling us to get a plant and keep it alive for a year. Then the next year get a pet and keep that alive for a year, and then maybe we are ready for an adult relationship with another human being.
One problem with an addict dating others in or out of sobriety is that our addiction has made some of us obsessive and compulsive. We put 110% into this new partnership, it makes us feel good. Sounds familiar doesn’t it? There are some questions that we should be asking ourselves before we dive in head first. How long has the other person been sober? Do they actually work a program of recovery? Do they have a sponsor?
We see relationships that seem to work sometimes between two recovering people. When they are successful there is some common threads to almost all of them. Each person will not put anything ahead of their sobriety. They don’t sponsor one another. They go to different meetings. They are helping others constantly.
Like every decision we make in life there are pros and cons. If we have a sponsor and a support group we should be seeking and following their suggestions about our lives. Getting into a relationship is a big decision and we should not be attempting to make it alone, especially on involving one addict dating another. We already have the proof of where our besting thinking gets us when we go it alone.